we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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