You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
