just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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