ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
