if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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