i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How does one acquire holy water?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
