update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
