Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
