I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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