she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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