So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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