I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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