is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
