if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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