Kiss
Puke
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Girls should come with a carfax report
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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