Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
this beer tastes like vomit already
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
