I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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