So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
