I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
