Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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