this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
