I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
