I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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