turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
