You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize