At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
