"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
