I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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