hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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