Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
