she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
