Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
