I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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