nut hugger
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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