If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
