I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This is the prime rib incident all over again
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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