dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
