"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
