I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
