DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
