Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize