we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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