if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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