you guys were way drunker than both of me
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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