Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we made out on top of his cat.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
