I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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