Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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