So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
