1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
