i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
