We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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