Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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