So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
