why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize