her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
