Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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