I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the day after is always just damage control
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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