I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
