I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
