That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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