Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize