Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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