i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
