I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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