tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
