I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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