spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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