Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize