If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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