Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
