who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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