dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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